Sunday, June 26, 2011
Trajectories
Do you ever get the feeling that you and the rest of the world are out of sync with each other? It's a feeling I'm not particularly fond of, but it's been happening more and more frequently, so maybe I ought to get used to it. It feels as though I'm moving along a slightly different trajectory from everyone around me, but not by much, maybe half a degree, give or take a smidgeon. When I started my journey, it seemed like I was heading in the same direction as everyone else, but the farther along I go, the more I find that my path is divergent. I'm not sure what to do about this, or whether I should do anything about it at all. It's frustrating to be out of step with the people I enjoy spending time with, because this loss of synchronicity means so many missed moments. At the same time, I'm trying to come to an acceptance of the idea that my path and my life are mine, and that I shouldn't necessarily twist and bend every which way just to stay in step with other people. Some flex is good. Too much flex means I've lost myself. I don't know where the line between those two is yet, but learning it isn't turning out to be all that much fun.
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2 comments:
I've been thinking similar thoughts lately. What I found, sort of recently, is that there are suddenly a number of people I've become connected with who are on a more similar trajectory. They are also out of sync with where they are, and sometimes we're all out of sync together.
I'm hoping that I find those other people soon, though my problem is less one of ideologies and life-work than it is about the little things like being awake and ready to go do stuff when everyone I want to be with is ready to fall into bed, or wanting to have quiet time alone when everyone seems to have time to talk to me. Everything is feeling forced, rather than flowing right now, and it's frustrating.
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